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PAUL'S THOUGHTS
Have you found yourself asking the Lord to
give you "listening skills?" If so, you are not
alone. All of us can benefit from these thoughts by veteran
pastor David Roper. May you find his
reflection encouraging and challenging, today.
"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to
hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" - James 1:19 [ESV]
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TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT TOPIC VISIT:
TOPIC.US
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Learning to Listen ~
A wise old owl sat in an oak,
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?
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Rene Descarte, the
sixteenth-century philosopher said, "I think, therefore I
am." Sarah, our grand-daughter, says, "You are,
therefore I talk." Silence is never golden to Sarah.
Some years ago I
was sitting in our family room trying to read TIME magazine while, at the same time, Sarah was trying to
carry on a conversation with me. To my shame I was paying little
attention, responding to her comments with an occasional grunt.
Finally in
exasperation she crawled into my lap and got in my face.
"Papa," she shouted, "are you listening to me?"
"Sarah,"
I confessed, putting down my magazine, "I haven't been listening
well. Forgive me, I'll listen to you now."
My commitment to
Sarah is one that I want to keep on other occasions as well. It
is one of the gifts that I can give to others-to talk less and listen
better. To be honest, I'm trying to learn how to listen.
I want to listen
well so that when I finish a conversation, others will walk away
knowing there's at least one person in this care-less world who has
some inkling of what they're doing, thinking, and feeling. I want
to hear the hushed overtones of their hearts. I want them to know
that I care.
Listening, however,
doesn't come easy for me. For years I was paid to talk; I was a
"word monger" to borrow Augustine's apt description of a
teacher. It comes as a revelation to me that I can do more with
my ears than I can with my mouth.
In her book Listening to Others, Joice
Huggett relates her experiences of listening to suffering people.
She says they often talk about all she's done for them. "On
many occasions," she writes, "I have not 'done'
anything. I have 'just listened.' I quickly came to the
conclusion that 'just listening' was indeed an effective way of helping
others."
This was the help
Job's wordy, would-be friends failed to give him. They were
"miserable comforters," he complained. "'Oh, that I had
someone to hear me!'"
Job is not alone in
his longing. All human beings want to be heard, listening is
one of the best ways in the world to love others. Listening says,
"You matter to me." (See Job 6:2; 31:5)
Listening is a lost
art these days. We don't listen well and we aren't used to being
listened to. Most of our words simply disappear into the air.
Some years ago I
came across the following advice about listening-which I'm still in the
process of learning and applying:
á When I'm thinking about an answer while others are
talking-I'm not listening.
á When I give unsolicited advice-I'm not listening.
(Unsolicited advice always sounds like criticism.)
á When I suggest they shouldn't feel the way they do-I'm not
listening.
á When I apply a quick fix to their problem-I'm not
listening.
á When I fail to acknowledge their feelings-I'm not
listening.
á When I fidget, glance at my watch, and appear to be
rushed-I'm not listening.
á When I don't ask follow-up questions-I'm not listening.
á When I top their story with a bigger, better story of my
own-I'm not listening.
á When they share a difficult experience and I counter with
one of my own-I'm not listening.
Listening is hard
work, and most of us are unwilling to put in the time-and time is the
operative word. Listening means setting aside our own timetable
and tendency to hurry on to our next destination. It means
settling into a relaxed, unhurried, leisurely pace. "Only in
the ambience of leisure," Eugene Peterson writes, "do persons
know they are listened to with absolute seriousness, treated with
dignity and importance."
In leisure we
regard others' interests as more important that ours.
In leisure
we say, "You are more significant than anything I have to do right
now. You are the only one who counts, the one for whom I am
willing to forgo my other obligations, appointments, and
meetings. I have time for you." In leisure, we listen
long enough to hear the other person's true heart so that if we do
speak, we speak with wisdom.
A leisurely pace, a
listening ear, a loving heart, may you and I, by God's grace, acquire
them
Edited and used by permission from: Teach Us To Number Our Days © 2008 by David Roper
(Discovering House Publishing, RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI), pages
175-180.
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